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Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Becoming a Girl on Fire: Fortifying, Forging and Fertilizing Relationships

Echo Park Lake

My eyes stared fixed at the screen of the scene of Katniss Everdeens arrow shooting straight towards the dome in what would result in a fiery explosion. Who of us haven't fantasized about being the girl on fire? Hitting bulls-eyes on a tracker jackers nest and bringing it down on unsuspecting enemies. Or showing off your skills as a dead sharp shooter and igniting a revolution with an arrow perfectly aimed at a chink in the dome of an arena.

 For those of you who want nothing more than to be a girl on fire, I'm about to drop a truth bomb on you. You do have a quiver fulls of arrows that can ignite a revolution in your most cherished relationships. What do I mean when I say that each of us have a quiver of arrows? Well there is something I need to explain first. When you know someone intimately, you start to know what their individual fears are whether it would be loss, separation etc. Each one of us have an Achilles heel, areas of sensitivity that if the wrong person gained intimate knowledge of them could literally annihilate us psychologically.

 I grew up in a home where there was high level manipulation and it wasn't safe for people to know intimate knowledge about my inner workings. Because there was no doubt that that information would be used later to attempt to annihilate me psychologically or used to fulfill someones agenda and purpose. Even after I got out of those twisted destructive relationships, one of my deepest fear is that I would take that manipulative behavior I learned growing up and use it to destroy someone.

 So I did a lot of work on myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually and therapeutically to makes sure that I was a safe person who would never take intimate knowledge of someone I loved and and use it for destruction. This is what I mean when I say we have a quiver of arrows. Every single tidbit of info we know about a loved ones insecurities is an arrow that can be shot at them. However, are two ways to shoot an arrow at someone. One way is the way I described above where you use your knowledge of them for their own mental destruction. Ultimately this  up with no winners and a massive therapy bill.

 The other way you can shoot an arrow at them that ignites and revolutionizes relationship is to take the very thing they fear and openly work hard to give them the very thing they need to feel safe. If someone in your life has a deep need to feel safe, manipulative destructive behavior will do everything it can to take away that sense of safety and leave that person forever a prisoner of fear. But instead one takes that info and says "OK, you have a a need to feel safe, lets come up with a system and model in our relationship that will make you more safe than you ever dreamed possible."

Griffith Park

When you take the intimate knowledge of someone and do everything you can to make life as amazing as possible for aren't sticking glue on your relationship. You've upgraded and are sticking CRAZY GLUE! Knowing the inner workings of someone is like holding a key in your hand that allows you to unlock the secret door to fortifying, forging, and fertilizing your dearest relationships.

 Millions of times in my life I've had a choice on what kind of arrow I was gonna let loose. Like Katniss Everdeen, I've got a quiver aimed at the heart of a loved one. I could have chosen to follow the pattern that I saw growing and unleash an arrow that would bring death and destruction. Instead I chose to unleash an arrow that would ignite a revolution in my relationships and create an everlasting foundation.

 When in the midst of the heat and dealing with relationship frustrations, it is easy to forget that at the end of the day they are on our side and they are the ones we are fighting for and not against. Remember this quote from the Hunger Games:

 "Remember who the enemy  is."

 The enemy is not THEM, they are our allies. Indeed when it comes to the battle for strong, healthy, lasting relationships it's the Hunger Games. There is a quiver of arrow in your hands and the odds are DEFINITELY in your favor.

Amorous Alpacas

Amorous Alpacas