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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Butterflies in My Stomach

      Image by Te55♥ via FlickrWatch me fly away, give me life like a butterf...
The sound of the doorbell awoke me out of my stupor. Dazed for a moment, I stumbled towards the door to find out who was there. Right there in front of me stood my brother, with a BBQ roast chicken that he had just bought from the grocery for me upon request. I grabbed the chicken and thanked him profusely. Once inside again, I attacked the poor dead bird like a pack of hyenas. This is the first time I had anything to eat in two days.

I had been blessed enough in my life to be born into a well to do family. So many hardships my friends have had, I have not experienced those until now. I have never know what it is like to have to work 3 jobs to put yourself through school. But I deeply appreciate having my own education paid for and in being blessed with that, it past years I've tried to give my friends a break who weren't so fortunate as I was by helping them financially with their education, counselling services, or even buying things like a mattress (which I have always had but only later in life that I found out that for alot of people, a good mattress is a big luxury)

In my last blogpost, I talked about going through some really tough times but I want to balance it out and say that God has planned every day of my life and I wouldn't be going through something that he didn't allow. I think he really wanted me to know how it felt like to have very little, to go without food. To know what it is like to take bread from the back of the church and your only meal in several days is when someone takes you out for lunch or there is a church potluck.

Many of my friends went through a time where they did not have food. Literally, one girl I know joked about having a mayonnaise sandwich. In earlier blogposts I had written that sometimes God would come through with a gift certificate I could use at the grocery store. I always rejoiced when that happened but I also acknowledged that if there came a day that God did not come through in that way that I thought I needed, I had to be OK with that.

It was really tough initially, I felt kind of abandoned when things got thin. I know that there are many people out there upon reading this that would have loved to rescue me or do something but to do that would only be shortcutting a process that God is wanting to do in my life. When a butterfly comes out a chrysalid, it struggles for hours. An observer might be tempted to just rip open the chrysalid and let the butterfly out. But doing that would have only resulted in an early death for the creature. You see, during that struggle, that is the time that the wings are developing muscles, the very muscles that enable a butterfly to take flight.

In the past, when I would get a gift certificate for groceries, it definitely was a gift and a blessing from God. But this past month with being allowed to feel hunger and know what it is like to have little, I realize that I am being given a gift, the gift of compassion.  Sometimes the only way that compassion is developed in you is when you go through something that others are going through.  I really hated at the time when I was lying there feeling hunger pangs but it resulted in an incredible level of compassion being birthed within my heart. I feel for people who go hungry on a level that I have never experienced before. And I also have a new appreciation for the site of food!

One reason I now see that he did this is because he is blessing my blogsites incredibly. And now my blogsites (both of them) have very strong money making potential. The company I am dealing with pays well and treats their affiliates well. Even if I got to the level where I made 1 sale a day, I could pull in $25 000 a year. And that literally is just from purchases through my blogsite without me doing anything! God put me through what i went through to keep me from getting too spoiled and he wanted to humble me and make me realize that yes, I may be lacking right now in the financial area but he has given me so much in other areas.

There is a verse in the Bible that says to much he has been given, much is expected. I used to complain to God about my circumstances and how now I have so little. Now I don't because I realize that maybe I need to go through what I am going through because he has already given me much and he's about to give me even more. This experience is to keep me grounded when things start to get good.  You see, awhile ago when I was praying, the story of Joseph in the Bible came to me.

For those of you who are not familiar with this story, it is the story of Joseph in egypt. He got sold into slavery with his brothers. Went to work in Pharoah's court. He walked with full integrity but still ended up getting accused and thrown in jail. Eventually, things changed and gets out of prison and in fact gets elevated to having only 2nd in authority to Pharoah. God spoke to me and showed me that in the same way, things have happened that have thrown me in "prison". And God is allowing me to be humbled because there is coming a day where I'm gonna experience promotion and elevation and I'm going to have more than I could ever possibly dream of. He's putting me through so much because one day I'm going to have much. So don't feel too sorry for me :)

A new season where things will be good is right around the corner. I believe that the season where things will be good will be in Buenos Aires. All that has happened to me in Canada were experiences that were meant to keep me grounded and so that I don't lose site of what is important. It is also meant to toughen me up so that when challenges come along, though there might be food in my belly, there won't be butterflies in my stomach.

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Amorous Alpacas

Amorous Alpacas