My Cities......My Lovers: Dating Buenos Aires and Discovering True Love in Montreal

Japanese themed Le Falco cafe

There has been an interesting thought swirling around my head recently. I've never been in a long term relationship with a human, but i have been in a relationship with a city. And I've been thinking that if cities were lovers, how would i describe our affair?

In the case of Buenos Aires, i didn't choose the city, it chose me. I had only planned for a "one night stand" of 6 mths but the city seduced me into a 3 and half yr affair that was characterized by love-making and tears. It was the kind of romance where when you had a "high" it was truly high and you felt this magic and chemistry that leaves you convinced this is something you'll never have anywhere else.

 But the lows were equal to being in Dantes 7th circle of hell. Yesterday may have been a magical nights of tango but what the next day held was your cellphone getting stolen, a transportation strike, inflation so that your budget is screwed cuz everything is 5 pesos more than yesterday as well as some cronies trying to rip you off because you are a foreigner.

But every single time i thought about breaking up with Buenos Aires, the city would burst forth to life in song, dance, passion and parades. Much like a lover who comes thru the door with your favorite things after a toxic fight. The city knew that our relationship was on borrowed time and wanted to keep me in a tango dance for just a little bit longer.

Relationships in ones 20s is all about CHEMISTRY. However come your mid 30s the dating game changes drastically.  In ones mid thirties you begin to realize that you don't have to be a slave to just "chemistry" in a relationship, but you know who you are and what you want and what works for you and what doesn't. So you get a say in dictating the terms of what would be a fit for you. 

Now i see what i couldn't have seen so many yrs ago, that as passionate, fiery, mystical and magical Buenos Aires was, it was a lover complete incapable of a healthy functional long term relationship. Earlier i wrote a heartfelt post about my break-up with Buenos Aires. Here is the link to it below:

http://www.tango2themoon.com/2015/01/a-sneaky-sudden-sense-of-saudade.html

Montreal however is neither a fresh fiery romance nor a boring loveless marriage. Instead it lends itself to being an amazing partner by everyday magic as opposed to high "highs" and low "lows" that summed up my complicated dating relationship with Buenos Aires. Our break up was the worst thing and the best thing that could have happened to me. 

If i could go back in time and appear to my heart-broken younger self sitting on a bus to Chile about to leave Buenos Aires, i would have told her "4 yrs from now Montreal is gonna call your name and when it does, it will be the beginning of your discovery to the meaning of true love ....."

Buenos Aires may have been the birthplace of tango but Montreal gets to have the last dance :)

Living Loving and Learning the Meaning of "Honour"

Every yr i choose a word that i want to mark that particular yr with. Last yr my word was "fortification" and i made a focus to fortify myself in every aspect of life e.g. relationships, spiritually, mentally, emotionally

So after prayerful consideration, the word for to mark this yr is "honour". And i want to make the goal of this year to not only honour everyone and everything that has been placed in my world but to learn what it means to honour.

According to the merriam webster dictionary, the definition of honour is this:

1. 1a :  to regard or treat (someone) with admiration and respect :  to regard or treat with honorb :  to give special recognition to :  to confer honor on
2. 2a :  to live up to or fulfill the terms of <honor a commitment>

We can bring honour into every area of our lives. For the purposes of this blog I'm gonna focus on bringing honour to relationships and what that looks like from a practical standpoint. It became my hearts quest to bring this very definition of honour into my dearest relationships. To regard and treat my loved ones with admiration, respect and give special recognition. Also to become a person who lives up to and fulfills my words and commitment to them.

The idea seems to be embraced by a majority of cultures in the world except the western culture where it is all about my rights and my mood and what i feel. In the middle east both ancient and modern times now they honour a guest by taking the fattened calf and using it for their meal. This would have been the calf they have been putting all their time, money and resources into. So in a sense by giving it to the guest as a meal they are in many ways giving this person a good chunk of their income.  The same concept plays itself out in many cultures where one is expected to give the best of yourself.

So how does honour play out in my relationships in a modern day culture? I obviously don't own livestock that I've been fattening up to make for dinner when my friend comes over. The good news is that one doesn't need a fattened calf to show honour.....PHEW.

Honing and Harvesting Raw Honesty (pt. 2)

La Fontaine Parc

Last week i began writing on the theme of cultivating raw honesty in a relationship. My last post touched on how to create a platform and foundation for your loved ones to have a safe space. This week part 2 will be about how to create the kind of relationship where you look out for each other and call out each other on things that might pose risks to well-being.

This is a topic that passionately burns inside of me because i have been burned countless times by people who emotionally abused me under the name of looking out for me. I've had some of the most demeaning comments made to me and then get told that it's good for me and that the "truth" is simply hard for me to hear. Funny how that is exactly what women who are victims of domestic violence get told by their spouses.

Believe me when i say that when someone is looking out for you, their behavior is a far cry from emotional abuse under the guise of love. The two are like night and day and there is literally no comparison. One of the first red flags i get is when someone says they are telling me a hard truth that is really in fact abusive, it's funny how that same person will never give me positive reinforcement in my daily life when i am doing things right. I never get praise, support and encouragement on virtually anything but they are quick to rush in and point out faults in the name of "looking out for you".

Me on the other hand am always praising my loved ones with positive reinforcement. On regular basis I'm always saying "im so proud of you" "you've grown so much!" I've even written emails telling them every single positive trait about them and what i love about them.

The Bible says that salt and fresh water cannot come from the same source. So if I've been clearly demonstrating that I've got someones best interests at heart, then even if one day i have to have a hard conversation with them they know that it is coming from a place of having their best interest at heart. However if you have a toxic relationship where there is no positive reinforcement on a regular basis, then when that person comes to you saying they are doing this out of  "love" for you, i find that really questionable.

Honing and Harvesting Raw Honesty (pt. 1)

Caramel maple syrup ice-cream in Jean-Talon Market

The season for harvesting maple syrup here in Quebec is once a yr during late winter to early spring. Locals will tap trees and watch as liquid gold oozes out of the trees into their buckets. Likewise i see our dearest relationships as lovely trees that can ooze goodness. If honed correctly we can enjoy a bountiful harvest.

There is a deep conviction inside of me that rich relationships aren't invented, they are cultivated. I cannot tell you the countless amt of relationships that I've had that began with a BANG of great chemistry and today those people are no longer in my world. Much like the leaning tower of Pisa, those relationships were not built with the proper foundation and ultimately sank just like one day we know the leaning tower of Pisa will.

For me chemistry is simply not enough,  I want longevity. One of the things that i had a desire to harvest is raw honesty. My heart was to create a platform and space where we do more than brunch and coffee dates. But for it to become the kind of relationship where we look out for one another and even have the kind of trust that we can call each other out on things that may pose a potential threat to someones well-being. 

One of the first things I've learned is that when i want change in a relationship i have to demonstrate the behavior that i wish to see from the other person. Whatever words or actions i do or say are things that will either build or erode the foundation of relationships. If i take on a passive aggressive tone, it will be dealt back to me. If i demonstrate an ability to show raw honesty, then I'm opening a door for that behavior to be a regular part or our relationship.

Unlocking the Mystery Behind the Paris Love Locks

While in Paris I took a tour that went off the beaten path to explore the bohemian side of the city.  The tour was with Urban Adventures and I would do it again in a heart beat. At one point in the tour we came across a bridge full of locks and the tour guide explained that this is a bridge where lovers would place a lock written with their name and their soul mates name. Then they would throw the key into the river.  This symbolizes that their love can never be unbroken or unlocked.

Later as I was strolling on the sidewalk I saw vendors who had locks available to sell to whoever wanted to take part in this ritual.  I'm sure these people must get awfully rich around Valentines day :)

After I got home I did further research on this fascinating ritual and stumbled across this neat article on the Paris love locks entitled:  Paris Love Locks: A Love that Won't Die

Paris's Hidden Gem.....the "I Love You Wall"

In a city as overdone as Paris, I wondered while visiting there is I would be able to discover any hidden gems worth writing about. I got my answer when I stumbled upon the "I love you wall" while strolling through Montmartre.  It's location is at Abbesses garden at Place du Abbesses.

The "I love you" wall is not completely undiscovered yet not completely unknown so I still think it can fall under the category of "hidden gem".  To be frank, if there was anywhere in the world I would want a marriage proposal it would be here in front of this magnificent spot as opposed to the top of the eiffel tower having paid 14 euros to even be there while being jostled by tons of bodies including 10 other people who decided to get sucked into the cliched of proposing up there as well. The "I love you" wall in Paris is so romantic in its own natural way  that it almost makes you want to believe in love even if love and marriage isn't your cup of tea.....

The Walking Dead: Skyfall

In Buenos Aires, american fast food chains aren't the only import from the northern hemisphere that has taken off. Popular american t.v. shows like "The Big Bang Theory" or "The Simpsons" have been a hit with Argentines. One of the shows that the city is crazy for is "The Walking Dead". For those of you who don't know, it is about the story of Rick Grimes, an officer who was shot while on duty and wakes up in a coma 9 mths later to find that the zombie apocalypse has happened. The series follows him and a group of survivors as they attempt to make their way in a world overrun by zombies.

All of us who are preparing for the zombie apocalypse (which means the rest of you all are SCREWED) know that there are two things that get their attention.....noise and the sight or smell of living flesh. The smell of fresh living flesh stirs up a frenzy as a mass swarm of zombies descend on whatever unfortunate living creature happens to be around for their version of "brunch"

But the real phenomenon is that this zombie-like behavior seems to manifest amongst Argentines in certain circumstances. Argentines have certain things that seems to trigger off this zombie-like behavior. One of these has been at the sight of american USD. Argentines have been known to descend on the carrier of american greenbacks accompanied by zombi-sh noises that when properly translated almost sounds like the offer of a trade from the ailing Argentine peso.

Finding Love in a Jar of Nutella

Nutella (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Last week I talked a little bit about having a rendez-vous in a café with two Argentine girlfriends of mine and seeing them taste North American style fare for the first time. A week later, we were back at it again only this time in the house of one of them tasting a jar of Nutella that I had brought from Canada.  All I can say is that one taste of Nutella, the girls lived as if they have never lived before.