Fate, Hope, and Love

So I've had quite the adventure capturing a vision that I had no finances for as well as trying to make it here living on the island having no job, little savings, and having signed up for a job in Buenos Aires that as far as I know is going to pay me little or nothing! It's left me in an interesting experience because no employer here is going to hire someone who is going to be around for a few months. And not only that, I had next to no clue on how I was going to go back there!  But I really felt that my time here was meant for rest and I wasn't suppose to try to get any employment. I've had to come up with creative ways on how to live and also have had a real learning experience in receiving help from others and how to treat people who are helping me.

Honestly, some days I get up and I'm just like "OK, today am I going to walk through the day full or faith or am I just going to give myself up to fate?" I had basically two options to how i could go about my day and as tempting as the latter was to do, I always made sure that I picked the first option. To tell you the truth I only had one option because the 2nd option to me isn't really an option. It isn't an option if you are want to live a life full of hope. I don't live my life hoping good things will happen. I live my life with hope. There is a HUGE difference there!

And by now, you've had some reports from me of how things got provided for me. Like a free haircut, $50 suitcase, $100 thrifties gift certificate. I'm actually beginning to think some days that the fact that I have little has made for interesting blogposts. Honestly, which would your rather hear?  That I simply went and bought some ESL material with money from my overflowing bank account. Or that I used the little savings that I had to buy ESL material and the next day I got $100 grocery store gift certificate. It does make for some interesting blogposts at absolutely no cost to you!

Through going through this time where things are tight, it has opened my eyes to many things and also developed character in me. For those of you who don't know, I am from a well to do background and growing up, we could have got anything we wanted.  Not much responsibility was taught and nor was there much taught about how other families who have less live day to day.

I had the opportunity to use my background to my advantage and could have had a cushy life if I played it right. But I chose to see if I could make it on my own and hang out with regular middle class people and try my hand at earning my own paycheque. It was one of the hardest things I could have done but looking back, it was one of the best things I could have done.

One thing that I have seen is that often times people don't have cable, internet or sometimes even a cell phone all at once. I always thought people's home had all of it. But after being in my friend's homes, I'm seeing now that sometimes people have cable and not internet and sometimes internet and not cable. And yes, sometimes you go through a time period where you have no phone. I had no phone coming here for the for almost 2 months before I went on used Victoria and found a $130 blackberry curve who would become the love of my life that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I also want to mention that my blackberry curve came with a pink cover so that must mean it's a girl.........even better :P

This last season here on the island has also helped developed character in me.  In the past it's always be me who was in a position to help others and now the tables have turned. And being in this position, I can see now how easy it is to cling to any person who is willing to say "Yes, I will help you! What can I do?"  The temptation is to "milk" as much as you can out of them. But thank God I never went that route! Why is it always in society that the ones who are stubborn and selfish and the ones who end up being "respected"? And the ones who are willing to "give" are the ones that everyone will cash in on and use over and over again.

 People who have giving spirits should be rewarded and I made sure of it.  I came up with rules and standards on my behavior and conduct of those who were helping me and providing for me. Rule 1# they MUST feel comfortable in our relationship. My philosophy is that I'm taking something from their well so because they've stepped out of their comfort zone for me, they always have to feel happy with our arrangement. Rule 2# When I get the chance, I would give back to them  I'm taking something from their well so I have to put something back. Even if I'm still in a tight time. I believe if I give others my best, the best will come to me. God is big enough that I can give others even with the little that I have, he will come through for me.

I believe in North America, the idea of give and take has been lost completely. People have to fend for themselves. So that means that yes, when you are going through a season where you have more, you spend it all on yourself. But when a season comes where you have little, it's a living hell because you have no one to help you and the idea of "community" doesn't exist.

One thing I've seen from living the way that I do is that I realize now that most people when it comes to finances go through seasons. In the background that I came from, people had money to spend 24/7 without having to worry about responsibility. But the average person or family will go through a season where they have more and then go through a season where they have to stretch their dollar abit.  I'm realizing that there is no shame in being in the position that I am in, it is actually quite normal.

What I am attempting to do is create a sense of community with relationships that I trust.  And together we are developing a relationship of "give and take". Right now some friends are in a season where they can help me out abit. The season could change anytime, days, weeks, months from now where I might be the one with more and they might be the ones that could use a helping hand.  I told all my ideas to a relative of mine who took me out for lunch. And she said the most marvelous words that were music to my ears. She said "Angelina, you've really grown up now"

I also see that one of the reasons why I go through what I went through is so I can relate to other people and have compassion on them. Before when I had plenty, I honestly was quite arrogant and judgmental at times towards others in society. I would think in my head "Why can't people just pay their bill?" And I thought there was something wrong with them or they were just lazy. Now I understand from going through things myself and also working in call centres where you took payment arrangements that these are good people and life has just thrown a curveball at them. Alot of them are trying to honor their payees and the money that they owe but circumstances happened that were out of their control.

This is one of the reasons why in the past few years, I feel like many "luxuries" that I had got stripped away from me. It is a amazing when you peel down the layers of your heart the attitudes you will find when it comes to that oh-so-sensitive subject of MONEY!  Going through this season revealed character and developed compassion in me. It also helps me to relate to others when they are going through similar things, I can strengthen and encourage them because I know what to say to them.

But I also strongly sense a season coming where I am going to have plenty. But I think this time if I go back to having lots, I don't think I'm gonna be the same person as I was before. Before I was spoilt and indulged and ignorant about the real world. Believe me when I say that I've had all the challenges I needed to burn those character flaws out of me!  Those are trials that I wouldn't want to go through again but at the end of the day, I'm glad they happened and made me the person I am today.....sweet, understanding, realistic, and full of compassion and love for people in all situations :) 

Fate, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is........LOVE  You knew the answer to this!  And for those of you ultra religious types who are ready to name me a "blasphemer" and stone me for heresy for changing the Bible, I have only one thing to say to you. Let he who is among you that is without sin cast the first stone.....

Tango 2 the Moon